I sit writing this in the glow of a lifegiving OttLite. I can feel its therapeutic rays coursing through my veins and warming those dark and cold parts of myself that have been trying to hibernate since this low pulled me in.
I haven’t seen brightness like this since last summer. Brightness without the heat. It’s perfect.
My next door neighbour read my previous post and gave me this light. She also insisted on paying for my meds (I’ll be paying her back next week). I am blown away by the generosity of the amazing people I know.
I must say, so many good things have happened to me from so many kindhearted and generous people that I am convinced: humans are a marvellous race. There are a few bad apples in the billions that populate our planet, but in general, we have the capacity for unparalleled healing and caretaking of one another. We are a basket of roots woven around the Earth, around ourselves, and if we continue to weave our part into the tapestry of our planet, it will continue to be supported. This could be interpreted environmentally or societally, it could be interpreted in whichever way is seen fit to strengthen the care of ourselves, of one another. It’s difficult and a little frightening when one thinks of those who are trying to snip through those threads and weaken the long-term of everything for their own short-term personal gain. That’s why small acts of healing like that of my neighbour to me are so important. Each kindness is a thread binding us back to ourselves and ourselves to our planet. Each good thing we do for someone else is a seed we plant that in time bears fruit for ourselves and for others. It’s a beautiful way of looking at the world.
My December 2015 Self-Care Calendar for today says ‘Double check your wrapping supplies! Tape, wrapping paper & bags!’ You can tell this is a calendar made for those in a commercial society. But I have indeed checked: 3 remaining rolls of wrapping paper, 2 tape dispensers, a pair of kitchen scissors, a Sharpie, gift tags from the Northern Store. Have had these since November. Mostly holding on to what I have left so Graham can wrap whatever he’s bought me on Christmas Eve, as is his ritual.
Nearly done reading Cloud Atlas by David Mitchell. Really enjoying it, slightly sad that it’s ending, feeling somewhat like I’m parting with a friend. I’ve dragged this book through a lot with me. Those memories are imprinted on the pages forever. Mustn’t get too nostalgic. It’s a book, and I haven’t even finished it yet. It’s my own book, moreover, and I can reread it in future. Still feel somewhat melancholic about the upcoming approach of its final consumption.
Must sign off now to FaceTime my mother, since our conversation was interrupted by the Health Centre asking if I had enough lithium and valproate to last until Tuesday night. Washing machine is on downstairs and I can hear Ivy singing to herself, but a nice quiet time is good for her too, even if she doesn’t nap. Will call Mom and then see to Ivy.
Today is the official day of Yule. Will be wassailing the trees with hot chocolate instead of cider and watching the Fireplace Channel instead of burning a Yule log, but it’s the thought that counts, right? Blessed be all of you, and Merry Christmas.